Amazing Grace: My Heart

Cousins and Love

Emma Grace and Lacie Beth are more like "sisters" than cousins. They are so sweet to each other and they have been through some pretty tough stuff in their little lives...

Five Years ago, Emma Grace was born with severe problems, 5 weeks in the hospital and many surgeries. Throughout all we went through, My family was behind us pushing us to get through it.

Who would of thought that five years later, we would be the ones helping my Aunt Beth (whom i feel like she is more my sister than my aunt) through the hardest thing she would have to do...Lacie Beth has been diagnosed with Liver failure and she was Finally getting a liver transplant.

Through prayer, tears, and our faith....God guided our family through these times!

Jeep Time

"My Charlie" as we call him is one of the most amazing people I know. Not only has he been a wonderful stepdad to my brother and I, he has been an amazing grandfather to my sweet girls! Te minute we pull down my parents street the girls start yelling "papa" !!! The other night the girls and I had stopped by for a visit and he was going to run an errand in the jeep. Its his fun vehicle so any chance he can take it out for a spin he does....This night he decided to take Emma. She was so excited and only the pictures can show how happy she was!

Being A Mom.....

After years have flown by and my Daughters tell me they want to have children, I want them to know: I want them to know what they will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell them that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a Mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I want my Daughters to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the mens room rather than the womens at McDonalds will become a major dilemma. That there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues if independence and gender idenity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. I was to assure her that eventuallu she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a second to save her offspring, but will also hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. I want her to know that her relationship with her husband will change, and not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much you can Love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find unromantic. I want my Daughters to know that they will never regret having a child.....

Faith

Often when we think about our Lives, We tend to dwell
on the parts that have Hurt us the most. Or the parts that
we never Imagined we could handle.

In my Life, things have Happened in the last five Years
that I would of never dreamed I coulsd get through.

When I lost someone so Important to me in a way that
was so tragic, it made me Furious.
Furious with God that this had happened,
Not at the person.

When my precious Miracle was born with so many
problems. It made me feel like I was being punished.
Punished for something I had done in my life.

When my World was turned upside down, and
I was left to pick up the pieces alone.
It made me sad.
Sad to think I had to do this alone.

But when I sit back and look at my Life now,
I have Realized:
I wasn't alone. In all those times where I felt
like my Faith was slipping away from me....
It wasn't.

God was with me, Helping me
through all these times. He was there holding
me up when I had those moments of weakness.

So, with each day.... I have to Trust that God will
help me through this. Even when I feel so
hopeless. He will always be there. He is the one
with the plan. He is the only one who knows what
is in store for me.

I guess I just have to have Faith.

-J.Shelton-

We Walk By Faith, Not By Sight
-2 Corinthians 5:7-

Emma Grace

On April 26, 2005 Emma grace was born weighing 8lbs 1oz and 22 inchs long. She was absolutely beautiful... After an amazing pregnancy and labor she was Finally here. Nothing could of ever prepared us for what was to come.... She was taken right to the NICU at Sarasota Memorial Hospital, evaluated and then we were given the news. Emma had been born with Pierre Robin Sequence, a rare birth defect that includes a small chin, and a cleft palate. As we watched our Angel fighting for her life we were devestated. We were given all the facts and information then we were told she would be transported to All Childrens Hospital at 7 am. As they took us up to my room, I felt like I was in a dream. How could this be happening? This was not how things were supposed to be and we were not prepared for this. Our amazing family had been anxiously awaiting her arrival all day and now they were having to console us. After everyone left, i just sat in my bed and cried...then I started praying..... She was taken to All Childrens at 7am. My stepdad, husband, mother- in- law and father-in -law followed the ambulance. That was a comfort to me. My mom came to the hospital and we were at All Childrens by noon. When I finally saw her she looked so tiny and frail...but they said she was already doing well. Our Little Miracle is what I kept thinking. We spent endless hours by her bedside and finally we were able to start holdong her, and feeding her. She had her first surgery at 9 days old. Our little Emma was going to have a Mandibular Distraction, they break her jaw, pull it out 13 mm and put metal rods in her face. Not a pleasant sight, but it was going to save her life. Our family was there with us as we handed our Miracle over to Dr. Ruas and his team. HE is truly an angel on Earth. They allowed us to walk to the OR.....and as I handed her over I felt a feeling that someone was holding me. Holding us! After a few hours Dr.Ruas appeared and said everything went great. He warned us about how she would look but she had done so well. she was a strong little girl. As we saw her for the first time after surgery I fell to my knees in emotion. I just kept thanking God for keeping her safe. We had a long road ahead of us...but we made it one day at a time. There were days when I felt like I couldnt handle this...but I had to be strong for my Emma. Our family and friends were so good to us. How could I let them down. Together we got through the darkest of days...We were parents now. And thats what they do! We brought her home on May 25, 2005. Oh what a wonderful day that was. My father in law was working near the hospital so we stopped to see him for a second and we were headed home!!! We have never felt so relieved to have everyone at home. The house was filled with Pale Pink Roses and a huge sign : Welcome Home Emma Grace. I felt like all I did was stare at her. Just looking at her in amazement at how much she had been through and she was still so happy. We were truly blesses. God has chosen us to be her Parents and we were given an AMAZING GIFT. Over the next few years she had a few minor surgeries and did wonderful with them also. She has a strong soul. Now she is 4 yrs old and the light of everyones life. God has blessed us over and over with Emma Grace. We all draw near, through you he is closer. His power is made perfect in our weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9&10

Elizabeth Grace

Elizabeth Grace was born on Dec 19, 2008 weighing 6lbs 14 oz and she was 19 inchs long. The whole atmosphere in the delievery room was different because we were all still very anxious to make sure she was ok. Even after ultrasounds and doctor appts three times a week.....I just wouldnt be completely convinced until I was holding her in my arms. After being induced at 37 weeks and 20 mins of pushing she was here...and boy was she mad! Screaming....and that was the best sound we had ever heard. With Emma born not breathing and them taking her from us without holding her... Bethie's screaming was music to my ears. My wonderful nurse Anne knew everything that had happened with Emma so she put Bethie on my chest and thats where she stayed for the next 45 mins as they did everything they needed to do. Once she was with her Momma...she didnt make another sound. It was perfect.... When we had gotten into our room......Emma Grace was the first to hold Bethie. She was so excited! I think Emma fell in love with her just like we had. And Emma has been so wonderful every day since. She is more help than I could ever have imagined and she is so sweet to her Sissy. Bethie Grace is 7 months and has the sweetest personality. Emma wants to do everything for her....I couldnt be more proud to be the Momma to my sweet girls.

I've Come To Realize...

I've Come to Realize... I've come to realize that, I talk : about whatever is on my mind, no matter how crazy it may be. I've come to realize that, I love : The way Emma says "I Love You Momma". I've come to realize that, I have: Let people down. The people who care the most about me. I've come to realize that, I lost : Faith over the years, but i'm slowly getting it back. I've come to realize that, I hate it when : I am alone. I've come to realize that, Marriage is : Hard. I've come to realize that, somewhere, someone is thinking : That there's no way out, When there always is. I've come to realize that, I'll always be: A hero to my Daughters, and a Failure to myself. I've come to realize that, The last time I truly cried was: Tonight. I've come to realize that, My cell phone is: Not Important. I've come to realize that, When I wake up in the morning: I have Two Pieces of Heaven...Emma Grace and Bethie Grace. I've come to realize that, Before I go to sleep at night I: Pray for all the heavy thoughts on my heart and Kiss my "Miracles ". I've come to realize that, Right now I am thinking about: Lacie Beth... I've come to realize that, Babies are : Angels sent to Earth. I've come to realize that, Today I: Made Emma's Day. I've come to realize that, Tomorrow I will : Try to be happy. I've come to realize that, I really want to: Be a better person. Through this journey we call life, We all have times of feeling hopeless, and we have times of pure joy. I think if we just take time to help ourselves, things will find a way. Pray hard, think less, and just live life one day at a time. -JLS-

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking

When You Thought I wasnt Looking... When you Thought I wasn't Looking... I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one... When you thought I wasn't looking... I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I learned that little things can be the special things in life. When you thought I wasn't looking... I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and learned to trust in Him. When you thought I wasn't looking... I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and learned we have to take care of what we are given. When you thought I wasn't looking... I saw how you handled your responsibilities even when you didnt feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up. When you thought I wasnt looking... I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but its alright to cry. When you thought I wasn't looking... I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be. When you thought I wasn't looking... I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up. When you thought I wasn't looking... I wanted to look at you and say : Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking. Live Simply. Lover Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly... and leave the rest to God.

Just For:

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together. Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.. Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.Just for t his afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.. Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you. Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, an d miss my favorite TV shows.Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore. And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold you a little tighter, a little lon ger. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day...